So, what happened exactly?
We have this friend who has been working with this airline and they got this annual benefit stuff that they give out airfare tickets to family and friends of their choice. My name was submitted. Then quickly enough, early November, maybe around three weeks after coming back home from that trip, I was notified that I was qualified for those free tickets with the travel date of my choice from December 2013 - Q1 2014. That wasn't part of the plan and that just excited me so much.
I told her about it as a surprise. She was pretty happy about it (later I'll fill in the details because this is actually the big part of this entry).
Fast forward to mid December (wherein the events which has happened in the past few entries were described), there had been some technicalities in the tickets. In short, I, along with the other beneficiaries, am not getting those free tickets.
So pretty much this, along with the fact that there has been changes in her or in us, made me depressed. Just imagine, I was trying to hold on and been counting down the days until February because things from my perspective hadn't been going quite well, then you give me this. That's a short bad string of events.
Of course I had to tell her. To add the fact that she hasn't really made me feel that she still wants to see me the same way I gave her the first news early November.
So I was just scouring for promo fares in the past few weeks, then suddenly yesterday -- I got what I had been waiting for. Booked and confirmed my flight just today. Midway June, gonna spend more than a week there. And, as SOP, I told her.
Her reaction?
Well, let's just go back first to the November conversation. Here's how it went when I told her about the free tickets and that possibility of seeing her just a few months from that time...
And it even spawned a post from her that same night...
Really nice aren't they? From there anyone would be able to gauge how she felt for me, and how she felt knowing we would be seeing each other again. Apart from the thought that I would see her again in four months from that time, it made me feel so elated knowing how she felt about it.
So now this time, in the middle of "these changes" in her, I would finally book the dates and finally have this definitive proof and assurance that we will be seeing each other again. And I tell her these. And this is what she gave me. This is how she reacted.
At the back of my mind, I kind of expected it already, but upon seeing it, it still hurt AT LEAST a bit.
Her reaction tonight was nowhere near as amazing nor as touching or even as appreciative as how she did in November. And if you were someone like a third person, the difference is without question obvious. And I don't know if we will ever talk about this as much or just as similar as how we did in November.
I really don't know how to feel about this. And I just simply miss the feeling that she gave me last month.
And despite what has been happening (or not happening) in the past few weeks, I am still feeling the same for her. My heart is not going anywhere in the near future -- it has still been there where I left it. I have fallen for her real hard, and I'm quite uncertain if she will be catching me.
I've been wanting to ask her if we can talk, just like before. But it just seems not the same anymore. I have been trying to think of ways how I can make her make me feel just like before again, but it feels like a crime doing so. There are nights that I do cry, fighting this feeling so hard of being able to do nothing. Sometimes I wonder, why was I given this kind of very strong feelings for someone so far away. Why I wasn't given this for someone close.
I feel like I will get a real fighting and solid chance at her when I get close to her again, which could have been less than two months from now, now became half year from now. And there are a lot of things that can and may happen with those six months. I'll just wait until then.
I just want to be happy.
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