I'm just updating this entry right after finishing the previous one (for continuity purposes). So yeah, most probably by now she's already asleep. So going back to the story...
There it came, I was finally in their place again. Moving forward to day 5, met the LYN guys already, S finally got married (and finally putting a PERMANENT DOT to the previous blog and all my feelings for her), then getting ready to meet T before wrapping up my whole trip. It was quite like when before meeting S for the first time way back in 2005 in some aspects, something like "Ok, let's get this over with and just go back to our own lives after this."
But, it wasn't. AGAIN.
Day 5 started quite early, as we came from homestay out of the city and had to leave early. S's brother was to drive me back to my hotel for me to catch up with sleep before meeting T. So I think I got back to my hotel around 9am, and before sleeping, I left T a message:
"If I don't answer to your calls/texts, just look for me here. My room is N. Kick me out of the room."
Or something like that. But anyway, she didn't have to go up to my room as I think she was a bit delayed by work. Then she started to send me voice messages while she was on her way. I was like "whoah, it's been awhile since last I heard your voice." It wasn't that special because I was pretty much "drowned" by the people's accent in the place. But yeah, I replied back via voice messages as well.
Then, she finally came. Wearing blue shirt, and a short skirt, also sporting a nice pair of sunglasses. She looked... pretty much the same. Well, I thought she was pretty and I thought that she was pretty ok, but maybe I was just pretty preoccupied by other things to entirely notice her, not to mention we're live far apart (but I do always tell her, since she broke up with her ex, that guys in their place are blind not to see her).
The next events would make me unforgivable, and I won't expect everybody to understand my actions. I will only ask for your respect.
So back to the story, just make a mental note that I was still dating my ex around this time. And seeing T, she was single and I basically was not. So I teased her again about the "date" thingie. You know, it's just like a best friend thing, a harmless one, because I know when I am with her, she would bring me to a good time. So, I paid for our lunch, then while we started walking around the mall as we were looking for something to buy for my dad, I had her grab my arm. It was quite nothing. Then later on, I held her hand. Practically we held hands the whole time that afternoon. We also exchanged pictures of the stuff we tried to fit. I think we looked so sweet, and really there were gestures that made me feel so at ease with her in another level. I was slowly starting to get attached to her. I was feeling it already - when I leave the place the next day, or when that day itself would end, I know I will shed tears. I was already anticipating it, and it was a sad feeling. But I just tried to make the best out of that day, and we were just together for half a day.
So we met up with another friend of ours, from the same forum where we all met. Let's name her E. I kinda teased a bit to E, that I was dating T (later finding out that it upset T a bit, but no big deal). So yeah we just had dinner, and was trying anticipating what's gonna happen after. I really wanted to be with her the whole night, but I was also worried that she might just drive me back to the hotel right after dinner then the night will be finished.
But some cosmic powers must have compelled otherwise.
E's friends called her up and asked if she wanted to have a drink. ON. A. MONDAY. NIGHT. But it seems not to bear as much as it was a national holiday the next day. So, what the heck, why not? It's my last night in the place and maybe I deserve some nice celebration.
This bar we went to is a fairly small place, but big enough for a decently sized dance floor, tables and a miniature billiards table. We were with E's friends, pretty old ones. We were seemed to be the youngest, and I seem to be the lone foreigner. But they were great people, really funny fellows. The live band was very memorable, but not as much as the kind of night I had with her in that place.
We were pretty much all over each other. I held her hand, had her so close to me as if she was mine. We danced, for one in the tune of Mambo #5 (and a lot of other songs which I cannot remember at the moment) with her right in front of me. We drank. One of E's friends kept pulling T to the dance floor, it was funny, and seeing her smiling and laughing from a bit afar made me see her in a different light. Being with her that night simply felt right for no verbal nor written reason at all. Right this moment that I'm typing this, I can remember everything vividly, even the way I smell her hair. Nothing and no one can take how I felt that moment away from me. I never expected it, that I was having another best night of my life, with this girl whom I never expected to be in my life, who was just like a "best friend" from a far, who most probably never realized how far I would traverse for someone. I didn't want that night to end, pretty much caring less if she felt the same way at that very moment.
Then we had to leave the place. We were the first ones in the group to leave. It was almost 1AM. At that moment, I knew it was about to end. That magical night was about to end.
Driving back to the hotel, we were pretty quiet. My heart started to feel so heavy that I knew I was gonna burst. More than halfway the drive, I held to her shoulder, attempting to control my emotions, trying to savor what's left of our night. Then finally, my stop. I gave her probably one of the painful hugs I could give to anyone. The fact that my day started at some way, and absolutely did not expect it to end in that way, the fact that I started carrying this feelings for her which just grew out of proportion within just a day, the fact that that very moment is the last moment I was gonna see her and uncertain when or even IF we will see each other again. I had a lot of things running in my mind while I was hugging her, and wondering how exactly she was feeling. Then I just had to let go.
I walked a few steps away from her car, then I turned one last time for one last wave. As I walked away, my sight was all blurry with all those tears which I kept from flowing (maybe you guys are reminded of the last part from my previous blog -- http://secret--lover.blogspot.com/2009/07/blurry.html).
The first goodbye. And I thought that was just it. But that's not even half of it.
Catch what happened when I got back to my room in the next entry.
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