Another painful parting of ways from that second goodbye. It felt like I was not really satisfied of the outcome. It wasn't anything near that I had pictured out. But of course I had to thank S's mom and brother for giving me that chance to see her again. I can't take that away from them.
Yea, so guess that was it. This actually caps my trip this time. I was about to go back home.
Or was I?
S's mom wanted to have a drink. Starbucks. Nearby. VERY nearby. It was almost 5pm. Office hours were almost over. I knew it all along - it was another chance. Probably the very last chance. For what? A better fitting farewell? Yep, that was definitely what I wanted.
I told T, we weren't leaving the area. We were having some drinks nearby. Lucky that she was about to leave work that time. And she immediately told me that she will come over as well. She was game "torturing ourselves even more" (which I found funny and painfully truthful at the same time). So I was anticipating it again. Gonna see her again, and this time I was very excited.
S's mom, brother and myself were having our stuff, pretty much busy with our own stuff (the brother was busy with my phone checking out some videos of his sister's wedding), with our own drinks. Then a few moments later, S's mom called me out and said...
"Hey, isn't that your friend?"
Then I looked, it was her. Now seeing her in a better ambiance, way better lighting, more relaxed surroundings, and with way less time limit, she was just a nice sight for sore eyes. And again, I was like...
It felt like we haven't seen each other for years when in fact we last parted ways maybe around just 30 minutes before that very moment. It was golden. I felt one of those natural highs that I just didn't want that feeling to end. It was like I was looking at the most beautiful girl in the world, and knowing she came there because of me -- nothing can beat that feeling. Maybe the picture above is a gross understatement.
We sat on a couple of seats outside the shop. I remember I tried to refrain from taking her hand, but it didn't take too long to give in and held her hand. Then we just talked about stuff. I cannot remember everything we talked about but there was one point that she started crying out of her stories, and I just felt her pain and had tears of my own flowing out of my eyes. I just started to care so much for her. I just wanted to wipe all the tears from her eyes and let her feel that I'm here for her. I just wanted to be that guy for her. But, because of circumstances, I couldn't be that guy. Still can't be that guy (yet).
After that talk, she invited me for a tour around that corporate complex. So we drove around the place (even seeing the company which has called me several times). It was a really nice gesture, because probably someday I'll be working around that area. It was like a deeper preview what it's like to be hanging out with her on a normal day.
We got back to the shop, and she also had a chit chat with S's mom. Pretty cool they've then known each other because of me - someone who is a foreigner from their country. It was something less of an achievement, but worthy to be talked about over lunch or coffee. S's mom and brother didn't really know what exactly was happening between us, why was she there, and maybe the best question would be who was she then to me and who I was to her at that moment.
Then, again, she had to leave. We had to part ways. Again. And pretty much this was it, I didn't think there was going to be another "unplanned meeting" quickly after that. It just wouldn't be sensible anymore, and furthermore, I didn't think she would like any further torture after that.
I walked her up to her car. And that very final hug before we let go. It was a very tight hug which seemed that I never wanted to let go, ever. All those memories within a day were all reeling back, realizing it's not gonna happen again, at least not in the immediate future. Even all those thoughts before, those days when I never saw her like that, how everything changed in a whim, all joining my thoughts at that very moment.
Then I looked at her eyes. Those little eyes that simply captured me, along with that face I will never forget. That has probably the moment I looked up to her face the closest, with so much meaning, that everything seemed right when even some things are wrong. I breathed. And without hesitation, and doing it like a man...
I kissed her. On her lips. For three good seconds. And she was of no contest.
That was the most sincere kiss I have given to anyone in my entire life, no matter it seemed to be wrong. It was the most sincere, the most meaningful. And I wouldn't have any other person take her place in that very moment, not even S. It was my moment with her, and no one else. Its own sincerity holds on its own, with its reasons impossible to explain. And I would replay that very moment in my mind for the longest time. And never I would regret holding back from kissing her, no "what ifs" nor "what could have beens", a bit lighter baggage.
There is no alternate universe that would have brought us to that very moment. There is no other side story that would have taken us there. With a lot of unlikely events that has happened since the last decade and even if just one of them did not happen, that very kiss and all the chained events would never have taken place. Fate has sealed that very moment.
If my mom didn't have problems with my dad, she wouldn't found another man.
If my mom didn't find another man, my parents wouldn't have separated.
If my parents didn't separate, my dad wouldn't need to find another woman in his life.
If my dad didn't find another woman in his life, he wouldn't find and meet S's mother.
If my dad didn't find and meet S's mother, my family wouldn't be introduced to their family.
If my family was not introduced to their family, I wouldn't have met S.
If I didn't meet S, I wouldn't have fallen for her and written the diary The Prequel.
If I didn't fall for S, she wouldn't be able to break my heart.
If S didn't break my heart, I wouldn't have created the previous blog The Sequel.
If I didn't create The Sequel, I wouldn't have the reason to look out for some random forums in the internet.
If I didn't look out for random forums in the internet, definitely I wouldn't be able to know T.
That's just one part. The other part is...
If S didn't invite us for her wedding, no reason for me to fly to their country.
If there is no reason for me to fly to their country, obviously none of the things with T would have happened.
Some more to that...
If E's friends didn't invite us for a drink, I don't think T and I would have the same special night.
If my LYN friends whom I asked to drive me to T's office agreed to drive me there, maybe there wouldn't be a chance for that Starbucks talk.
If one of these things didn't happen, or happened differently, I don't think it will ever get us to that very special moment. I don't think we would ever grow to that moment. I don't think I would be ever "to take us right where we are", as she later on described it. That's how I'm quite convinced that fate has something to do with this. Fate wouldn't be able to come up with an alternate universe with the same outcome. I bet my life on it.
And it wasn't just that finished. I went back to the entrance of the shop, then as she almost drove by the place, I came across and stop her quickly. I gave her another kiss. I just couldn't pass up that chance.
I think that was a pretty fitting farewell. Not bad for a third goodbye. Pretty much negates the negative feelings from the first two goodbyes.
So, I was about to go home. Was I really ready to go home and go back to my reality? Some more stuff at the airport and getting back to my motherland in the next entry.
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