That third goodbye one of the biggest mixed of emotions that I have ever felt - sad but happy, very hopeful, feeling quite light that a heavy part of my chest was let out, and that simply giddy feeling in a romantic way. She made me feel something that I haven't felt for a long time. She brought out a part of best in me which I didn't realize I would feel (and later on this would really grow).
But looking forward to what I saw as inevitable - I was on my way back home. I was leaving the place that night. That trip which made an unexpected turn was about to end. I was going to face my own reality. And thinking about that too brought in some of its emotions too. How was I to face everyone back home with this emotional baggage? I knew I couldn't be able to hide this, and I wouldn't stomach lying to anyone, especially my girlfriend (at that time). I knew there was going to be some major changes and events that was going to take place once I get home.
So as planned, I had dinner with S's family. Spent my last few hours with the people who I have really considered as my family for almost a decade, along with some weird complications along the way (which these "complications" being the biggest or maybe just the sole reason how I have managed to have a community at their place, which also gave me the opportunity to know T). I was sent off by S and her brother -- who I see as my siblings by heart for life. It would be a pain not to see them when I stop by their place.
And finally, alone time in the airport. By the time I had settled down, I started talking to T again (which she would fall asleep even before I could board the plane). I finally had the time to check out what's in the stuff she gave me.
I carefully removed those gold little things (because I don't want to miss even a single piece of it), and took out that "Which emomonster are you today?" notebook type of thingie (which actually serves as a 'warning memo'). Then it was the first time I saw Kitty - that yellow origami cat (obviously, it's my avatar). I felt so happy receiving these things from her (and even more when I heard the story how she decided on having these to give me).
About to board the plane, I had never felt close to what I felt leaving the place before. It's something like I want to go back to the place definitely, and I will do it soon, with a purpose. I was wishing I had more time to spend in the place, more time to spend with her. Walking outside the airport, towards the plane, I know I had to be back. The sooner, the better.
Aboard the plane. Take off.
Seeing the place that I begin to fall in love with, slowly became smaller from the windows. Seeing the city lights at night time closing in to each other, I was definitely leaving my heart in that corner of the world.
It was a little over than three hours of flight. It should have been my nap time, I was quite sleepy, but I didn't feel like sleeping. I took out my phone, I checked out our few pictures that we had. I took out the stuff she gave me and just looked at it again. I reflected upon the things that had happened, which seemed to be endless.
Finally, motherland.
6 in the morning on the way home, I immediately sent her a message. She just woke up (after falling asleep), and I was wanting to catch up with sleep with my own bed. But we had a very meaningful conversation, following a very eventful day. Just right now I have re-read our conversation that time. I read again with her saying she wanted to wait for my arrival here, that she would miss out the chance to talk to me if she went back to sleep that time, that she gave Kitty to me to make me smile everyday, that the feeling was so nice when we talked in Starbucks the previous day, that she was starting to miss me. She asked me what was on my mind in the bar that night, that how I felt when these other guys we were with asked her to dance.
She told me she was starting to miss me. I just had to stop reading that.
By the time I got to my bed, and pretty much ready to sleep, my body and mind were already tired. But I can still feel my heart left from a far away place.
More to come on what was going to happen as soon as I faced reality, and how T and I continued with this "pseudo" relationship in the next entry.
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