Upside Down

I just can't continue with The Kitty story feeling like this. Feeling like shit.

I really can feel it. From my perspective (obviously), she seems to be different than a few weeks ago. Simply put, I haven't heard her say anything sweet to me for sometime now. This is actually okay if she wasn't that sweet before, but she was. And before, almost all the time, a day wouldn't end with her saying really nice and sweet stuff to me. Now it seems different. She seems different.

Red hearts?



Or any color of hearts for that matter. No, I haven't received anything like this from her for more than a week.

We haven't talked that much these days, and she seems not to be bothered about it, when before she would mention and feel sad if we didn't talk that much for a particular day. Her reactions now seem to be different from before.

I was supposed to see her in two months, but that trip is now in jeopardy. I may take matters in my own hands, or not going at all. If she feels differently now than weeks ago, this won't make any sense anymore.

Is it a crime if I ask her if she misses me like before, or if she misses me AT ALL? Would I be crucified if I ask her if she still feels the same about me like before? If before I knew pretty much how she feels for me, now I have little to no clue at all.

One of these days, I know, I will ask her.

It wouldn't make any real sense if she doesn't feel the same anymore while I am feeling just the same. It wouldn't make any real sense forcing this for the sake of novelty. It wouldn't make any real sense if I'm not "the one" anymore. It just wouldn't anymore.

I know I may sound crazy or paranoid, but I feel things too.

At one point, she told me that I couldn't change my story line, that she was just a scribble of lines.

At one point, I changed my story line because I felt it was the right thing to do, rather than living a life only half of what I was or only half of what I could be.

Now, at this point, I feel like I'm the one who's just a scribble of lines in her life.

Now, at this point, things seem to have turned upside down.

I hope I will know soon what's really happening right now.

Honestly, I don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose her, because it has been a long time since I felt something like this. If I lose her, I don't know how long I will have to wait again to have the same feeling. I may be too old already for that by then.

But if it's going to happen, so be it.