I had five days straight of epic nights in celebrating the end of 2013 and the new year 2014 coming in. But they are not merely close as I could have really enjoyed it. Yes, I honestly enjoyed being with my friends (and most of them I haven't seen for years) on those days.
But it's different missing her and hoping to be with her on these nights.
Nights out drinking with friends with some I haven't seen for quite some time.
That crazy road trip we did and like a "race", trying to catch the year end countdown. And getting to the venue like a few minutes before midnight and actually being part of that countdown.
That another road trip starting the year way down south.
I hoped to share all of these nights with her. Having those nights along the way, I would just imagine her being with me, sharing those nights with me.
While on the turn of the new year, I reflect upon the past year, as this year actually marks the biggest turn of my relationship with her, obviously.
I started my 2013 not really expecting how it was going to end. And the way it ended? I never thought something like what would happen. We were just friends. Normal ones. We live quite far from each other and we didn't really talk that much. We just share stories very occasionally. And nothing would seem to be "dubious" since we started being friends almost five years ago, and even when we first met four years ago. There were no clues of what would take place afterwards. There were no clues of what we would be sharing years after. There were absolutely no clues how I would be feeling for her at this point.
Then we had that one magical night, and something what I would call and always remember as "the most sincere kiss I have ever given to someone" with her of no contest with that at that very moment. Then everything and a lot of stuff about myself just made their own turns and made their own ways in manners I never expected to happen.
It's just so amazing that seeing her before felt just normal, then now, she suddenly means a lot to me now. I know I get to see her photos before, but now whenever I see her face in the pictures, or just even reading her name, it just makes me feel simply giddy. You know, that butterflies in my tummy thing. It's just so crazy that before I see her as a friend, and now I see her as more than that, and we sort of shared that feeling (in past tense because I'm not sure if she STILL feels the same as before). It's just astonishing that before I was pretty okay talking to her occasionally, and now I can't seem to stand a day not talking to her, and now I just want to be with her. The only rational explanation that I can think of is maybe after all I had hidden feelings for her which I just did not notice, and everything just sprouted out on that night. As for her, maybe just the same but I don't really know.
I've fallen for her, really hard. And sometimes, I think about what if I hadn't found out how I truly felt for her in that timeline. I wouldn't want to think I would feel this way for another girl because I just couldn't imagine it for now. It's like I'm meant to have this feeling for her, no matter what the outcome would be. Like I already mentioned, it's been a long time since I have fostered this very strong feeling for someone, and this time it's her.
And having this very amazing feeling for her, I would really want to know how far we can really go. How far can we really do it. How far can we make it work and happen. I honestly already have plans, this year. And a part of it she already knows. Just waiting for it to be in motion. And I really hope I can make a move really soon. I'm so tired waiting and just looking at the horizon. I want to catch that horizon, and this is the perfect time, with the perfect reason.
On the fourth night of those epic nights, she sent me a very night new year message. Just a short one, but a nice one. I sent her on myself at midnight. It goes something like thanking her for a great 2013, more specifically in the last three months of the year, then wishing her happiness and love this year 2014, looking forward in seeing her in a few months, and I told her I'm missing her. I didn't get any response from that, even the next day, as these days she has just simply not really receptive to me than before. It's kind of saddening, but hey, that's the way it goes. I have to accept that and be patient about it.
So yeah, this is the new year and I am calling out this year 2014 to be my year. I'm gonna make things happen, and I am calling her out to be part of it. A BIG part of it. I will surely have more epic nights to come, but I wish she will be with me in those nights.
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