This one is a bastardized quote from the novelist Hanif Kureishi.
And she herself quoted the original a few days after I left their place. After those kisses. She is pertaining to our non-official pseudo-relationship which started around that time.
Now, I have tailored and bastardized the quote in my own predicament.
Whatever we had between then and now, no matter how it declined through the months, it ended yesterday.
And no matter how it ended yesterday, it ended with me loving her. Now, I got to stop that feeling no matter how it hurts to badly.
So what happened?
She is now starting to see some other guy. Who this guy is, she didn't tell me who even though I asked her nicely.
This is the first time I ever had my heart broken so badly like this in years. I don't know what to do, I feel so lost. I am truly left with nothing but my FALTERING COURAGE to go on. I am like an aimlessly lost soul, wondering if I'll be found again ever.
Oddly enough, I would tell her musingly "Catch you later!" and there were occasions that she would respond positively that sometimes it would just make me smile senselessly. That I really intended to catch her, either for a moment or if she falls for me.
But now, there is no more catching. Ironically, I fell for her but she isn't there anymore to catch me. I just fell on the concrete real hard. The impact that hit me is just no like other pain that I have ever experienced.
So much for "I'll be patiently waiting for you, no matter what."
No more red hearts.
No more Viber calls.
No more feeling like this.
No more showing each other what meals we had or how we look at certain moments.
No more good morning and good night greetings.
No more exchanges of random voice notes and sweet nothings.
No more chance of stealing another day with her.
No more.
Right now, it seems that I'm trying to wildly trying to grasp her, just flailing around what I can. But who am I fooling? I know she won't be there within reach.
She may now not admit that I am not a footnote in her life, but soon enough this will be true. I am just making this happen a little faster.
I'm just gonna be a footnote in her life, one way or another.
As I type this with a heavy heart, I feel lost and stranded.
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